Parents have a great influence on the behavior of their children. The parenting styles that we carry out with them will have a decisive influence on their development. It is important to pay attention to our parenting style and to encourage positive parenting styles that contribute to healthy development.
-There are no spaces for dialogue.
-Excessive rules and PUNISHMENTS.
-Criticism, shouting and very high demands.
-There are no schedules or routines.
-Lack of standards or lack of effective application of them.
-Constant attitude of indifference.
-Everything is allowed.
-Inattention and absence.
-There are no rules in the family.
-Physical neglect or the needs of the child.
-There are clear and concise rules.
-Acknowledgments and accolades are given.
-Love and firmness at the same time.
WHICH PARENTING STYLE DO YOU LIKE THE MOST?
Writer, psychologist and philosophist, Heike Freire refers to the situation many children experience, they spend most of their time sitting in closed spaces, in class or in front of the computer. They have little time left to be children: to climb, run or enjoy their own games, without the intervention of adults.
The psychological implications that derive from an early experience associated with abandonment are usually quite serious. Although each child faces the facts in a way, it is common for the traces of a trauma to remain, and traumas are not cured by time, but by adequate coping. There is an intimate and personal battle that many people are experiencing right now …
Sometimes we confuse limits with prohibitions or punishments that limit the behavior of the child. Sanctions that lack learning and fill our children with helplessness and misunderstanding.
Clear limits are used with the aim of protecting, favoring the development of the bond and generating serenity in our accompaniment. They create an environment of emotional safety necessary for the integral development of our children that makes them feel that their needs are covered.
When we read stories to children, we encourage them to generate images in their minds related to the stories we tell, that is, to be able to symbolize and shape words.
Symbolization or the symbolic process is the ability we have to create meanings through images, words, stories or phrases. It is the fact of representing anything with the help of a symbol.
The habit of reading to children stimulates their development and makes possible the assent of some cognitive structures and functions that will later develop.
“Books are the quietest and most constant friends; they are the most approachable counselors and the most patient teachers. “
Being parents does not cause a single feeling, but a cycle of them that we have to learn to manage with patience and understanding towards our failures. It is about gradually building our own instruction manual: what we read, what we listen to, but above all from what our children teach us.
Achieving a healthy dynamic in our family is largely based on clear and respectful limits that allow us to establish harmonious and adequate relationships based on respect and unconditional love. These limits allow our children to grow conscientiously assuming their responsibilities, taking charge of their decisions and developing essential social and emotional skills for life.
The child who grows up in a safe environment will develop with greater strength and psychological well-being. Someone who is loved from the beginning of his life feels deserving of affection. Even more, if my environment appreciates me, I understand in turn that I must also respect myself, love myself, value myself.
The consequences of the use of physical violence in education causes a series of reactions in the child that are not at all desirable.
Hitting the child inhibits their autonomy, curtails their initiative, and limits their ability to solve problems and love themselves. It hinders their self-esteem and arouses negative expectations about themselves.
It also limits the development of their intelligence. Dramatically interferes with learning processes.
It limits and even sets back the family bond with the child. In fact, it will affect them on a social and emotional level, damaging their way of relating to the environment.
It awakens feelings of abandonment, sadness and loneliness. The child will feel useless and unnecessary. Little by little they will lose your self-esteem.
Their view of the world will gradually turn into a dark, negative, threatening image. It will be a place where they does not want to hear from anyone.
It awakens in the infant feelings of anger, resentment, the need to flee without knowing where. In addition, it will show them that the best way to deal with their emotions, the world and others, is through violence.
We know that neither raising nor educating a child are easy tasks. The right choices are few and the challenges are many; neither awards are given to the best parents nor are the worst punished. The failures, like the successes, are silently imprinted in the lives of their own children and in the secrecy of the family fabric. Later, those little ones will grow up and mature, dealing better or worse with everything they have experienced.
The way we address other people, the tone, and the words we use affect how we relate to each other and how others perceive us. And the same thing happens with children: sometimes, because we are adults talking to children, we think that we can use any type of expression, even if it includes a lack of respect.
We flood our children and adolescents With seed words or bullet words?
Evolutionary development studies conclude that one of the best predictors of happiness and emotional balance for our children is whether they have at least one person present for him or her. The fact that a child has a person present, connecting with their emotional needs and protecting them when they needs it, will have as a consequence that they will be a self-confident adult, with critical thinking and with the ability to properly manage their emotions and impulses .
Parents are aware that we are not perfect, we make mistakes. We do the best we can and know how, but we are wrong and we will be wrong.
But we do have to show our maturity and take responsibility for our actions. For this reason, the key to parenthood is not to be perfect, but to be present and to repair the damage we do to our children when we make mistakes. Repairing consists of looking into their eyes, asking for forgiveness and making amends for the damage caused.
Parents not only have the mission to act as a safe base for our children, but also as a springboard from which to jump to explore and investigate everything around us. One of our most important functions as parents is to tune in or connect with their affective needs and, later, respond in a contingent and respectful way to those needs.
Just as each child has their temperament, each parent has their way of educating according to their personality, some being able to be more permissive, others more authoritarian. Ideally, we seek to reach a democratic parenting style where there is a balance between attention and care as well as the limits and demands that are asked of them, at the end of the day each family will have their parenting style uniting the emotional characteristics of the children. parents and children, something important to mention is that cognitive and self-regulation capacity must also be taken into account, that is, if a child has difficulties to be able to relax and calm down or if they do not understand the instructions that they need to make modifications in the way of parenting in order to be successful.
The way we raise is based on our experience, our personality, emotions and desire to be good parents. Being present for our children implies not only being physically affectionate with them, but going further, it is about seeing them, supervising them, connecting with them and their mental and emotional states, and it is not enough to be physically present.
PARENTS ACCORDING TO THEIR THINKING
Traditional parents: the father who plays a more authoritarian role uses punishment as the main educational tactic and leaves communication and effectiveness to the mother.
Modern parents: They do not present problems to show affection and show more communication with their children. The participation of parents in the education of their children is very similar.
Middle Parents: Most parents have elements between traditional and modern parents.
WHAT STYLE IS RECOMMENDED TO APPLY?
A positive parenting style in which the norms, rules and decisions are defined in a democratic way between both parents, generating a balance and emotional stability. In this way, the development of autonomy and safety in children is allowed.
RECOMMENDABLE ATTITUDES WITH CHILDREN
- Always avoid physical punishment.
- Establish agreements between parents.
- Avoid fighting and disavowing yourself in front of your children.
- Pay attention to children’s problems and show interest.
- Be loving and communicative parents.
- Set limits and teach responsibilities appropriately.
- Avoid ridiculing your children especially in front of their siblings or third parties.
- Offer support when they need it.
- Maintain a good balance at home in relation to rules, limits and affection for children.
Undetermined ties are built and rebuilt, weakened or strengthened every day in interaction or absence. History is written with biology, your body is your compass, be aware of your emotions, recognize them in the changes in your body, verbalize them, help your children do the same and take steps towards a secure bond of attachment.
CREATED BY PSYCHOTHERAPIST DANIELA BATISTA.